You’ve probably read a million articles about the many deal breakers when it comes to dating. But how many have you seen about friendships? Sometimes society is so focused on romantic relationships that we forget our platonic ones are just as, or even more important. After all, who will feed us ice cream and stroke our hair when our dating lives inevitably go to hell? But even though most of our girlfriends are the absolute best, sometimes there are certain fake ones we have to weed out before being left with the beautiful flowers. Here are some of my friendship deal breakers.

The ones who constantly cancel plans

Okay, I’m not going to kick you to the curb if you cancel on me a few times. I get that life is busy and that sometimes things get in the way, but it becomes a bit of a joke when you do it ALL THE DAMN TIME. Especially when I’ve spent the last hour psyching myself up, straightening my hair, carefully applying eyeliner, and trying to master the art of contouring (trying). It’s even more annoying when you tell me five minutes before we’re due to meet that you’ve “been feeling unwell all day” or that you “found out yesterday” that your boss wants you to work late. That’s all well and good, but you could have had the decency to tell me a tiny bit earlier. Seriously.

The ones who treat you like a back up plan

This is one of my biggest pet peeves, but it also kind of makes me laugh. I have one ‘friend’ who constantly invites me out for drinks, but when I decline due to work or university commitments, I usually suggest she ask some of our other friends instead. Her reply is always (without a doubt): “I’ve already asked about ten people, but none of them can come either.” WELL. I will admit that I found it kind of (really) offensive at first, but now I’ve gotten used to her and I think it’s pretty amusing that she has absolutely no shame. After all, it says more about her than it does about me.

Skinny girls who constantly complain about their weight

First of all, let me just say that I understand some people have body issues, so that’s a very obvious exception. But when your 50kg friend sits there picking at her salad while questioning the ingredients in her kale smoothie and you’ve already devoured a double cheeseburger and Tim Tam thickshake… without a care in the world might I add, it gets a bit exhausting. When someone knows they’re skinny, and they’re just waiting for you to throw them a reassuring “Oh my god, you’re so thin. Why are you complaining?” Guess what, girl? It’s not happening. I’ll just sit here, mind my own business and enjoy my yummy meal. Sorry, not sorry.

Friends who talk about themselves all the time

I think the worst kind of people are the ones who CONSTANTLY talk about themselves and never ask how you are. Or the ones who are so self-involved that they always have to tell a more interesting story, be the smartest or have nicer clothes. I honestly don’t understand it. Why should I have to compete with you when I already have a hard enough time navigating the world on my own? As someone once told me, women empower each other in their friendships – teens compete. So please, be a woman, give me a break and focus on bettering yourself.

Friends who are too clingy and/or needy

Okay, at first I was flattered that you wanted to spend so much time with me. But please, I have a life and it doesn’t always revolve around you. I also have other friends who I sometimes like to hang out with, and I think they might miss me. Once I went to a nightclub with my needy friend and we both bumped into another friend at the bar. I invited her to join us for a dance and we were all having fun… well at least I thought we were. Until I got 15 angry texts the next day from my needy friend who was “so upset” because the “night was supposed to be about us.” Umm, what? You’re not my boyfriend, and even if you were, I wouldn’t let you get in the way of my friendships. Besides, we were all together and I wasn’t leaving you out. She’s your friend too (well, she was…)

I guess sometimes friendships aren’t meant to be. It can take awhile to figure out who your real friends are, but once you’ve got that down pat, you’re pretty much set for life.

I’m no longer friends with most of the people I listed above because quite frankly, life’s way too short to put up with such BS. We’re all in our twenties now, and I couldn’t even deal with this this stuff when I was a teenager. It’s time to grow the hell up.