We’ve all been there at one point in our lives or another, where we have seen or met someone and instantly fallen head over heels. Even though you don’t know them and they don’t know you, that hasn’t stopped you from picturing your future together somewhere in Europe in a vineyard watching the sunset. Or is that just me?
So the question is why do we get attached to people we’ve never dated and how do we get over them the right way?
To get a psychological look into this and figure out why we develop crushes. Psychologist Carl E Pickhardt PhD states in an article that we need to remember that:
“A romantic crush is a potent mix of idealisation and infatuation.” He continues to explain that “crushes have more to do with fantasy than with reality, largely we project onto another person idealised attributes we have and associate with” … Then we “attach strong positive feelings to the perfectly wonderful image that has been created.”
So that explains why we develop crushes at least from one psychological view. It’s natural for us to have crushes on random people. But for some, it happens more than others which again is normal and natural. But why does it happen more for some (lol Me) than others. Suzanne Degges-White, PhD wrote about this.
She explained that it is “important to acknowledge that sexual and romantic attraction are often simply basic and normal physiological responses to attractive stimuli, you can’t stop a natural reaction like that, it’s uncontrollable … We don’t consciously tell our brain to generate attraction to particular people; it does it on its own.”
For me, it’s a daily occurrence that I see someone I fancy, so it is good to know that it’s completely normal that we develop feelings and fantasise about our perfect lives with random people or even people we’ve talked to once or twice. But the question still remains how do we get over them. If that’s even possible.
In theory, it seems easy to get over someone, but it might not be in practice at least for some people. Especially in this digital age, where we can basically “Insta stalk” and see them virtually. We can sometimes use this as an excuse not to get over them as well as come up with many other excuses. Which I have been guilty of in the past.
How do we move on, well you can literally just type in “how to get over someone” on google and you’ll be overwhelmed with answers and many articles. But with so many opinions, choices and situations it can be hard to figure out what works and what works for you.
So how do we get over that “Random Crush” or that “Almost Relationship” you might ask. Well, I’ve searched on google to get answers and I’ve tried some of them. Although some might be considered a bit harsh, they might be what you need to move forward. In all honesty, there is no right or wrong way to get over someone, but here are the five that worked for me:
Allow Yourself To Be Sad
Whether it is a relationship or just a random crush, some of us heavily invest emotionally. So it’s good to validate those feelings no matter what they are. If you want to cry, then cry. If you want to go for a walk or run, do it. Even if you just want to stay at home and binge-watch movies, do it. Let yourself feel those emotions, it might hurt but it’s the best thing to do.
This might sound stupid, but keep busy. Go out, catch up with friends. Read a book, binge some Netflix. Just do something. This is another good way to get over someone, just stay so busy you forget about them. This might be quick or take a while, either way, it’s something to try. For me, the Netflix binge works the best.
Talk To Your Friends
Talk about it, find a friend or a group of them and just talk. Verbal diarrhea, just talk until you can’t talk anymore. Again this might sound stupid but, get it all out of your system. Talk about those fantasies and everything that goes with it. Who knows your friends might be going through the same thing, plus if you’re not going to tell you, friends, then who are you going to tell?
Stop Looking At Their Socials
It might be tempting to have a little stalk of someone’s account, especially when you have a crush on them. This might seem innocent but it could be doing more harm than good. I found myself doing this and I used it as an excuse “He still watches my Instagram story” or “she liked my photo, then she posted”. Although it might be harsh, block or at least mute them on social media. You need to rip the metaphorical scab off the wound and move on, it’s not only good for you but it can also be good for them.
Don’t Blame It on Bad Timing
The worst thing you can do is blame it on bad timing. Ok, this one is not just for an average crush, this would be for an “almost relationship”. You may find yourself at the stage where you’re in that in-between stage, otherwise known as the “what are we” stage. Sometimes this works out sometimes it doesn’t and that’s ok. Just make sure that you don’t blame it on bad timing, it’s the worst thing you could do. Like my friend once told me “You’re holding onto something that won’t happen, you’re holding yourself back”.
So now we know why we develop crushes and fantasies, as well as how to get over them the right way. Will this stop us from doing it, probably not. Will we try to develop feelings for people who are actually available, again probably not. But in the end, it’s only natural.