There are countless videos and stories of weddings gone wrong. The bride accidentally falls into a pond during the ceremony ruining her whole ‘look’. The groom lost the ring. The happy couple’s family is full of people whose grasp on what is appropriate is loose at best. However, what happens when it’s you who messed up? Here’s how to handle any awkward wedding scenario your crazy hormones, your inability to handle important occasions or unlimited wine top ups throw at you.

You’re late for the ceremony

Whether your Uber driver took a wrong turn, your squad spent too long highlighting and not enough time hustling or the Spit Bridge went up (seriously, my aunt was late to her own wedding because of this pieces of engineering genius), you’ve somehow managed to be late for the wedding. First off, DON’T INADVERTANTLY JOIN THE PROCESSION. Find the wedding planner, if there is one, and they can help you slip in unnoticed. Or, wait until the bride has been given away to slip into a seat. Whatever you do, don’t make a big deal about it. The bride will not be thrilled, and even scarier, the mother of the bride will not be thrilled. Moral of the story, be on time.

You look like you’re the bride in the photos

If you’re planning on attending a wedding in a light dress, take a photo of it with and without flash. If it’s hard to tell what colour your dress is, think about if you will be happy dealing with the fallout from the bride. If you’re not, pick a new outfit. However, if you only notice that your outfit is coming off hella bridal midway through the reception, try not to panic. If you’re close with the bride, jokingly point it out (chances are, she’ll laugh. Maybe). Otherwise, wait til the photos start flooding in before jumping in with a witty comment.

You didn’t prepare a speech…

But literally everyone is making them and you’re much closer to the newlyweds and everyone is looking at your expectantly. First, take some deep breaths. Think of a story, preferably with both the bride and groom involved, and keep it short and sweet. Add some specific details to stop it being too generic (something about his love of boat shoes, or her need for yum cha after a big night) then wrap it up with something nice someone else has said (“Love is when the other person’s happiness is more important than your own”). And take a bow. Helpful tip here: don’t bring up stories about any ex-partners and any fun they had together. It won’t go down well.

You’re seated at the same table as your ex

There is no point in pouting and really, how long do you even spend at the table? Don’t make a scene, however if you really can’t handle having to talk to them for 3 hours, subtly let the people on the other side of you know the situation and ask them to be your conversational wingmen during dinner. Otherwise, just be as chill as possible, and pace yourself through the wine pairings.

You accidentally look like a bridesmaid

In a matter of seconds you went from holy matrimony to holy f—. There were a few clues, the concierge directing you to the bridal suite, nosy family members asking why you were seated with the guests but it didn’t dawn on you until you heard that wedding march revealed a bridesmaid in the exact same outfit as you. If you don’t have a second dress stashed somewhere, resign yourself to the night of being asked why you’re not at the head table and just go with it. Besides, the bride thought it was good enough for her nearest and dearest, so just own that.

You partied a bit too hard

If you’ve really been naughty (got off with a taken groomsman, accidentally smashed the cake when you tripped over the tablecloth or set off the fire sprinklers by illicitly smoking somewhere you shouldn’t have) consider sending a sincere thank you slash I’m so sorry card a few weeks post-wedding. However, if you’re just a regular belligerent guest, just go with it. A wedding is meant to be the biggest party of your life and you’re just helping the happy couple enjoy themselves.